About Me

Though I am generally described as a very happy and free spirited girl there is more than meets the eye and I am ready to be more open with this to have more friends with accurate things in common. Because we all need real things in life.
I have clinical depression and social anxiety. I have been my own teacher on a psychological aspect.
I have survived abusive relationships from family to friends. Alcoholisim and drug addictions, rape and mollestation.
I am a very strong individual with a great deal of knowledge in all of the above. I have graduated many classes as well and I hope to transfer this knowledge to others like me in exchange for a purely platonic relationship with both men and women equally.
I have been lonely for a very long time losing my father from a heart attack suddenly less than one day after my mother was diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer.
I live with fear and anxiety since my childhood.
My first tramatic experience was when I was 5yrs old.
My nanny who was about seven months preganant had taken me and her son whom was a good friend to me as well to a store for treats while my mother was working. We lived in Houston Texas at the time and it was early in the evening.
We all went into the store, after we found what we wanted and went to the check out counter, a man came into the store with a large knife to rob the store and stabbed my nanny killing her unborn child.
I do not remember much more than that being as I was only 5yrs old and the nature of it all. But only 3 years later I lost my aunt Renne as she went home from my mothers establishment one night and was followed by a man and was stabbed several times and her throat was cut. She made way to a neighbors to call 911 and died on the phone desribing the killer. She left an 8yr old son as well.
That same year my uncle was killed in a bombing next door to my mothers bar, I saw his body that night and I can still see images from it in my mind to this day.
I have been through so much and have had closure with very little of it all. I hope by sharing this all for the first time publicly will help someone else to come to terms with things they too are struggling with and maybe be able to create a unique group speacially for people like myself who are dually diagnosed and need friends and support from people who are experienced with these things first hand.
I was raped and I have been cellebate since then now going on 6yrs.
I was also mollested as a child, abused severely physically and emotionally. The abuse even caused some hearing loss and many other things that challenge me everyday.
I have been in relationships of physical abuse, emotional and drug abuse. I have abused drugs as well seeking uforia from my grief and depression.
My mother was diagnosed with a fatal form of cancer and my father was on his way home from Greece to be with me and he died the day after I called him and told him that mom had cancer.
I have definitely had my share of many things that have given me many problems. I am overcoming more everyday.
It has been extremely difficult to identify many of my problems to fix them. I have been in NA and many outpatient treatment programs for a few reasons. The less I knew about the problems I had or the few people I had to support me that were knew how I felt, the harder it was for me to meet each day as I have been suicidal and poorly cared for as well.
I believe if I had a better support group of people who needed me and understoof me better, I will be more help to myself with these stronger tools.
It can be very lonely when you are a happy go lucky appearing person on the outside, and everyone knows you to be this strong and fun person, but inside you feel weak, beaten and sad.
I know there are many people just like me, this is why I have given in and finally exposed many things I have hiden trying to seem well built and together.
Many people seem like they have it all and I envy them. But I know there are people who are just one bad day from their last.
I hope I am understood for once, I hope I didn't expose many of my fears and weaknesses for people to look down on me or ridicule me.
I hope there are some mature people who are on the same page as me, who are finally ready to be real about it and do something about it but do it right this time.
If you are serious, please message me. My biggest dream is to develop a group just for people like us.
Many, so many people live daily with all this weight on their shoulders and feel damaged and broken. I know, I feel it everyday but I have also felt very happy and new.
I am learning how to live with this, there is no name for it except to just call it "life." Please message me anytime. Thank you, Tracey