you r using goodtree??????

hi jane

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated,"T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back at her and once again said , "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "'T-G-I-F' means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it,duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

~~~

Boss: Where were you born?
guy: India ..
Boss: which part?
guy: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

~~
2 guys were fixing a bomb in a car.
guy 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
guy 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
~~

guy: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
guy: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

~~
a guy just joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
guy: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
guy: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
~~

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
guy: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
~~

guy: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
guy: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
~~

In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
guy: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
guy: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
~~

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
guy: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
guy: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

hello my goodtree, how are you there

hi jane, thanks for your message.
i like your picture, you have a sweet smile.
may i have your ID ?

hi all r u cool

Two guys were playing golf when the first one said, "I really need to take a crap..."

The second replied, "Well there's a tree, go behind it and do your stuff."

The first guy looks over at the tree and comments, "But, I don't have any toliet paper."

Being a witty fellow, the second man remarks, "You have a dollar don't you? Just use it to wipe yourself." Reluctantly, the first guy goes and does his stuff.

Minutes later he comes back with crap all over him. The second asks, "Damn, what happened? Didn't you use the dollar?"

"Hell yes, but have you ever tried to wipe with three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel?"

~~~~~~~~

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in holding their newborn baby.

"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.

"And why not?" asked Stan.

"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday? Like my wife and I have here?"

Stan said nothing.

The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."

Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're sure you want a nephew?"

"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor."

"Well congratulations, you're holding him."

~~~~~~~~~

Anthony and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day,while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and Anthony suddenly dive into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling Anthony out.The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK.The doctor said, "David, we have good news and bad news for you!The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your sanity. Since you were able to jump in and save another patient, you must be mentally stable. The bad news is that the patient that you saved hung himself in the bathroom and died after all." David replied, "Doctor, John didn't hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

~~~~~~~~~~

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much." speaker replied,
"You don't know my wife. The letters stand for "Keep It Short, Stupid."

~~~~~~~~~

Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
~~~
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
~~~
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
~~~
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
~~~
A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
~~~
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
~~~
Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.
~~~
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
~~~
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
~~~
Bank Teller: How do you like the money?
English Student: I like it very much.
~~
PUPIL: "Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not."
PUPIL: "Good, because I haven’t done my homework."
~~~
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
~~
I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox!

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks for being one! c",) Have a nice day. Take care and God bless...

Hello everybody I'd to say that this girl is not real, the picture that she put in the her profile is not a real picture, she only want to ask u for money, if u ever read this message stay away from her coz she's not real...a HOAX